Who are You and Who do You Want to Be: Finding Your Identity and Life Purpose

Hi!  It's Karen from Karen Vincent Solutions.

How would you answer if someone asked you, who are you?  Would you answer by stating your name?  Would you answer by stating your profession?  Would you say I am ________’s partner or I am ____________’s mother?  Would you say I am someone who believes in equality for all and that the world is a good place?  Would you say, I am a spiritual person? Would you say, I am a strong woman who helps people __________ or would you say I don’t know. 

This is a question that we probably do not take enough time to reflect on as we go though life.  Even if who we are at our core stays relatively consistent, who we are at different stages of our life changes and it can be beneficial to take time to examine this periodically.  After examining who we are, it is important that we ask ourselves if who we are today is the person we want to be.  If the answer is no, we don’t have to accept that this is just the way it is.  We have the power to change our circumstances and how we show up for our lives, which will lead to greater life fulfillment. 

“Life fulfillment” may seem like a vague term.  How do we know when we are living fulfilled lives?  We are living fulfilled lives when were experience joy and feel like we are living out our purpose because what we are doing is aligned with our values.  We feel connected to others and feel like we matter, or we feel like we are making a difference in the world. 

Finding life fulfillment is very personal and what fulfills one person may not fulfill someone else.  Fulfillment can come from so many different areas of our lives.  It can come from having a successful career, from dedicating time to raising a family or from making a difference in one’s community or championing a cause.  It may also come from doing something creative like creating art, playing music, engaging in athletics or fully engaging with a hobby. 

It is also very likely tied to the quality of personal connections one has.  This does not mean we need others to complete us, however, having trusting, caring and supportive relationships will help us feel more satisfied with our lives.  For most of us, feeling like we are living a fulfilled life comes from feeling fully satisfied in a combination of several to many areas. 

I am going to take you through an exercise to help you dig into this a bit more.  I ask that you grab a pen and paper and focus as you do this.  Take the time you need to really reflect on the questions I am asking you.  Every day you have the chance to improve your life, but first you need to understand where you are today and if it is in alignment with where you want to be today but also tomorrow, next week, next year and in five years. Living in alignment with who you want to be will result in your living a fulfilled life and you deserve to live a fulfilled life.

7 steps to becoming the person you want to be.

1. Write out all the words or phrase that describe who you ARE today. You can use demographic variables, words related to roles you fulfill or the job(s) you do, skills and talents you have, values you hold, adjectives that describe you or your personality…really anything.  Don’t censor yourself and just brainstorm all the words you would use to describe who you are today.

2. Next, write out all the words or phrases that describe who you WANT to be. You may have many of the same words as you did for question #1, however, you may find you are writing different words or additional words.  Take your time and walk away and come back to this if needed.  You will get the most out of it if you really tap into your deepest desires.

3. Now that you have the words and phrases on paper that describe who you want to be, ask yourself WHY you want to be this person. This is a very important step.  Even if your lists for question #1 and question #2 are very similar or exactly the same, you still want to be clear about your WHY.

4. Go back and review your list for #1. Are there words on there that you wish did not describe you today? If so, don’t judge yourself or feel shame about them. Just notice them, briefly acknowledge why (it’s likely related to what you wrote for question #3) and cross them out.  All the other words on your #1 list should be in alignment with how you describe yourself in question #2.

5. Focusing on your answers to question #2, what needs to happen for you to become that person? For real, what needs to happen? Do you think you need to acquire new skills or talents?  Do you think you need more time or more money?  Do you think you need to have a better set of daily habits or more discipline? Do you think you need to have different people in your life?  Do you think you need to have not had certain things in your past happen to you?  Do you think you need to be a different age? Do you think you need to look differently or act differently?  Nothing is off limits here.  Brainstorm all the things that need to happen for you to become the person you describe in question #2.  If, as you go through this part of the activity, you determine that you do have what you need to become that person, write down how you are going to tap into what you already have present in your life to make who you want to be a reality.

6. Now that you put the work in to define who you want to be and what needs to happen to make this a reality, go back to your list for #5 and review it one more time. Honesty look at it and make sure that what is on there is not a bunch of excuses for why you are not that person.  We all do this, so if you identify excuses, be kind with yourself and cross them off.  Excuses will limit your belief in yourself and hold you back so crossing them off your list now will allow you to move forward faster and with less internal resistance.

7. Finally, the most critical question – what will it take for you to make one or many of those things happen? Start with one item from your #5 list and build from there.  Be real about what it will require.  What will you need to sacrifice to get you to where you want to be? What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to take on?  Do you need a mentor or someone to help inspire you ongoing?  Do you need to save some money so you can invest in yourself to learn something new?  Start to create your concrete plan for how you will get from where you are today as a person to the person you truly want to be. Take a couple minutes each morning or evening to review your plan to make sure that you stay focused and continue to make forward progress.  You’ve got this!

Live your best Boss Lady life!

~ Karen

Karen Vincent Solutions