Live Your Best Life!

Why is it that some people are optimistic and assume things will work out or turn out well, while other people are mostly pessimistic and focus on all the possible negative outcomes? It has to do with how our brains are wired. Based on human nature, we are wired to focus more on the negative things. That is because they typically bring about “negative” emotions and human nature is to want to avoid these negative emotions. Because of this, our primitive brains think that if they keep us focusing on past negative things, or potential negative things, then we can somehow protect ourselves from them, however, as you and I both know…this often just leaves us feeling bad anticipating negative things that will likely never happen

People who are optimistic choose to be that way. It may be easier for them because they have some real-life experiences that have gone well for them which help them consider more positive things happening in the future, however, they are...

As humans, we can operate like a pressure cooker with anxiety, worry, and stress building slowly throughout the day or throughout our week without us really knowing it is happening…until we reach our metaphorical boiling point. A pressure cooker is a sealed chamber that builds up high steam pressure inside. As the steam builds, the pressure increases, and pushes the temperature of boiling water above 212 degrees Fahrenheit which results in food cooking faster. Do you ever feel like you are pushed beyond your limits of anxiety, worry, or stress and therefore react to things faster or with more intensity than you would otherwise?

If so, you are not alone. You start your day with your stress and anxiety levels at a certain point. They may be very low, or they could be high without you even noticing it. As the day progresses, things can happen that continue to fuel your stress and anxiety and again, you may not even notice that it is happening. You may also not...

Your mind is the most powerful resource you have. It is your best business tool, relationship tool, parenting tool, emotional well-being tool, and overall life satisfaction tool. What you think about matters…A LOT. Some research indicates that you have over 60,000 thoughts per day so there is no way you can be aware of all that is happening in your mind. You have many automatic thoughts such as, reminders for how to breath, digest food, brush your teeth, walk, drive your car, and other daily, basic tasks. You also have the obvious conscious thoughts such as thoughts related to what you are doing in the present moment, reminders to get certain tasks done, thoughts about how you will manage your time each day, thoughts about when you will eat each day, etc. You also have thousands of unconscious thoughts that play in the background of your mind all day long.

These unconscious thoughts are related to what you think about yourself, your abilities, your confidence, and your...

Do you tend to see and focus on the negative aspects of a situation? “Disqualifying the positive” is what is referred to as a thought distortion, or a cognitive distortion. What this means is that your brain observes a situation and filters in the negative aspects of the situation and ignores, or discounts any of the positive aspects of the situation. If you are someone who experiences this, you are not alone. Our brains have what is called a “negativity bias” which causes them to highlight the negative things around us, while bypassing positive things. 

The reason it does this is because, typically when you are experiencing negative things, you also experience negative emotions. This can raise an alarm with your brain because with negative emotions comes discomfort. Your brain does not want you to experience this discomfort, and it thinks that if it continues to focus on the negative thing that somehow it can prevent it from happening again and...

Why is it that some people keep going and keep working towards their goal, even when things are challenging, and others give up? Many people attribute this to motivation which does play a role, however, as a motivation expert, I can tell you that motivation alone won’t cut it. Motivation is defined as, “the general desire or willingness of someone to do something”. Being really clear about “why” you want to achieve something is tied to motivation, however, when you are working towards a goal and things get challenging, it can be very easy for motivation to decrease. Your desire to keep going is challenged when things get uncomfortable because it is human nature to want to stay in your comfort zone. 

Drive, on the other hand, is easier to sustain and can help you power through when things get hard. The definition of drive is, “an innate, biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need”. While motivation taps into your...

Many people are great at figuring out what they want to achieve and mapping out their days, weeks, or months so that they can get done what they want to. The problem comes when the days, weeks, or months go by and there has not been much movement towards what they wanted to get done. They tell themselves something is important and that they want to get something done, however, they end up feeling unproductive and like they are not making progress.

Can you relate to this, at least on some level? You said you were going to make ten calls to potential customers at work, and you only made five. You said you were going to workout 5 days this week, and you only worked out twice. You said you were going to finish your project a day ahead of its due date, and you didn’t get it done until the last minute. You said you were going to organize your closet, but it is a month later and it is not done. You said you were going to make a budget and get on track with your finances, however,...

A pressure cooker is a sealed chamber that traps the steam generated as its contents are heated. As steam builds, the pressure increases, until the boiling point of water is above 212°F.”

As humans, metaphorically, we can function like pressure cookers too. We start our day with our stress or anxiety level at a certain point, however, things can happen throughout the day that continue to fuel our stress and anxiety. If the stress or anxiety continues to build, we hit a “boiling point”. It is often too late before we notice that we are almost at our boiling point, which can make it much harder to bring our stress and anxiety back down. In addition, once we hit that boiling point, we sometimes say or do things that we regret, which increases our stress and anxiety even more. 

We have over 60,000 thoughts per day, so there is no way we can be consciously monitoring all of the thoughts we are having in response to what is happening throughout our days....

Do you have a “not to do” list? If you don’t, you should consider it! A “not to do" list is a list of things you are trying not to do at all, or not to do at certain times of your day / week, so that you are freed up to focus on other things. We all live in a world where there is a finite amount of time yet it seems like some people are higher achievers, get more done, or seem to have more time for fun and relaxation. Why is that when we all have the same twenty-four hours in our day?

I don’t believe that everyone who seems to be getting the results they want in their life is grinding it out each day, not sleeping, or that they have superhuman powers. I believe the reason is that they have clarity and prioritize what they want to get out of each day, week, month, and year. They are saying “yes” to the things they want more of in their lives and saying “no” to the things that don’t move them towards what they truly want. If...

Recently I was working with a client who was finally able to uncover how terribly she speaks to herself. She regularly says things like, “I messed that up”, “I will never have enough time”, “I don’t ever follow through with things”, and “I’m always disappointing people”. It has become a habit for these phrases, or other phrases like them, to run through her mind. In addition, she always takes the blame when things don’t go well, and rarely takes the credit when things do go well, because she does not want to seem like she is bragging.

Do you see how problematic this can be for her self-esteem, for her overall emotional state, and for her confidence regarding being able to accomplish the things she really wants in her life? Her thinking pattern had become so routine that she was not even questioning the accurateness of her thoughts. She was just accepting them as true, even if there was plenty of evidence to prove...

Do you know why so many people don’t achieve their goals or live the life they say they want to be living? It is because they don’t believe that they can actually achieve what they say they want. If you don’t firmly believe that you can do something, be something, or achieve something, then you will unconsciously hold yourself back over and over. The reality is, if you want to do something that is challenging, you likely do not have the skills, strength, knowledge, means, etc. to do it today. If you did, you would already be doing it, right? 

However, it does not mean that you can’t acquire the necessary skills and knowledge, build your strength, or increase your means so that you can accomplish your goal. In order to do that, however, you must first believe in yourself and believe that with work and focus, you can achieve something that you have never achieved before. This is critical because if you don’t actually believe in yourself, you...